End of the Line

I won't let myself lose.

If I have to end it at this, then so be it.

I'd rather hurt winning than come out with a loss.

My role in your life ends now.

I am Queen.

I have always hidden behind the comfort of words. My feelings are a complicated mess, but they're quite easy to read. I make it a point to put down in words all the emotions-- pain and happiness included, so I can make sense of everything. It was not the admission that there is something there that I am afraid of. It is the uncertainty of the vastness of my emotions that make me quite uneasy.

I am at a loss.

I have never been unable to explain the trappings of my heart before. I started this as a game. I've never been challenged by an equal before. I must always retain my position as queen. But queen of what? Now I don't even know. I'm the queen of my own heart, I would like to believe. How come this lowly rook is trying to unseat me from my throne?

I have no words to explain this. Trying to squeeze my brain for words is like trying to make a mute girl sing. It's painfully hard, and a bit brutal. I want to reduce this into something words can explain. I do not want to go into war unprepared, and without the proper weapons. I am queen, and it can only remain that way. If I have to force myself to write everyday, then so be it. I will never again be conquered by something as stupid as love.

The way your name rolls off my tongue
feels so perfect
like I have always been meant to say it
The beautiful curve of your mouth
fits with my lips that have long desired yours
Your smile, it has always been
the reason my sky will never be somber again

There is nothing more that I could ever want
than to spend every moment with you
You're all that I could ever need
You are everything I see

Your eyes cast a spell on me
I could never let go
Your laughter rings
like tiny bells on my ear on a cool summer's day